burden down

part 1:

put the burden down now.

it's time.

okay?

those were the words i needed to hear.

the words that are freeing me even at this moment.

the only thing i know to equate the relief to is when someone is passing away.

you know that fear and burden they are carrying around, 

believing that they can't let go because if they do, they are disappointing you or making someone go through so much pain?

well that is the way i feel. 

no, i don't believe that by putting the burden down i am causing that pain but i do believe that by hearing those words i am freed in a way. 

oh, how free i feel.

part 2:

what a struggle it is to feel loved.

what a daily struggle.

it does not depend on the giver or the pretty box that it might come in.

it depends on my heart, mind and ability to accept the idea of the actual 'being' of it.

i know in my heart of hearts that i can, am and will be.

but somehow that cannot get through to the rest of me.

it is like i have taken on man's depravity as a personal depravity.

that i am worse than you, or anyone else that lives in this world.

i can look at others and see the greatness in them, 

but within myself i can't see it.

i am blinded from it.

this is just one more burden i need to be freed from.