it was good vera.

let's deal with the situation posted on my

beloved sister's blog: bebe & alice.

i will admit, i use to be a devoted fan and buyer

of vera bradley products but after this new found 'power'

they are using to destroy both this beautiful green earth 

and my sister's wonderful creations - i'm out.

i mean let's be honest, what was being done with

those catalogs after people mulled over them to find

just the right pattern for spring? nothing, not squat, zilch.

so imagine, millions and millions of vera bradley magazines

are piling up in the junk yards of suburbia, not disintegrating

into the ground. which gives al gore another plot for a video about 

global warming, another million dollar making opportunity for vera

bradley to pass up and another reason for me to stop purchasing from

a fairly decent establishment; none of which is good for this 

environment or economy. 

so what will my sister do? let a brighter store take her 

up on her kick ass idea and screw vera bradley over. 

and what will vera bradley do? cry themselves to sleep 

as all of  their "devoted, pattern-loving, going-green customers"

prance their way right on over to a smarter store in order to pick 

up some chic, "green" and incredibly creative stationary on which 

they will write hate letters to their once beloved supplier of accessories.

i mean by vera bradley turning up this

awesome opportunity, they are tanking their business. 

sorry, but i just can't support a business that doesn't value

small businesses and their ability to create beautiful accessories.

 it was good vera. 

freakin' spectacular

this week so far as been spectacular.

the weather, the people, the literature,

         

seriously every stinkin' thing. 

just thought you all should know.

i will update come tomorrow.

loves.loves.loves.

b. 

dissatisfaction

dissatisfaction with my generation's pursuit

of god has overtaken me.

please pray for me as i look to next year, 

and that means for me as far as college goes.

as much as i love chicago and north park.

i feel as though there is no encouragement in

christ, no challenge to pursue him and plainly

no foundation on which students can stand in

this environment. in some ways it surprised me

and in others it disappointed.

after spending the week on spring break with friends and

family and seeing their pursuits of christ, i so deeply

wanted to be surrounded by them. i wanted to seek christ

with them, go to church, find a ministry to get involved in

and feel like i am actually pursuing something worth-while.

so again, please pray. 

i need god to reveal what i am supposed to do,

and even better in a timely manner.

i am thinking and praying for you all.

much love. 

it was 4:30 am, give me a break!

best night i've had in a long time.

31 pounds down.

great friends.

non-stop laughing.

great parents.

what more can a girl ask for?

falling.

"whose gonna break my fall, when the spinning stops? the colors bleed together and then fade. was it ever there at all? and have i lost my way? the path of least resistance is catching up with me again. i am afraid to sink, i am afraid to swim. sad to say i miss my friends and know that i am supposed to step away. but they need me to stay and keep a watchful eye on all my heros and all their demons, but whose gonna break my fall?"

finding the balance between what is healthy and was isn't can be so tough. recently i have been trying with all my might to realize where i draw that line so that i may function as an emotionally healthy being but it seems with each day it gets harder. growing up in a christian home and school has really effected my idea of what it means to be selfless. as i have grown up, i have realized that being selfless doesn't mean constantly putting oneself in danger of losing oneself. i am currently trying to find where that line needs to be drawn, and how to let those 'friends' down easily. i truly do love those people, but i also love myself so it might be time to 'step away'. 

we are currently reading a play in studies in literature. the play is a doll's house by james mcfarlane. the leading character, nora is in pursuit of finding herself and what role she plays in society.  below she is speaking to her husband about how she is going to leave him and he responds:

torvald: you are betraying your most sacred duty. 

nora: and what do you consider to be my most sacred duty?

torvald: does it take me to tell you that?

 isn't your duty to your husband and children?

nora: i have another duty equally sacred.

torvald: you have not. what duty might that be?

nora: my duty to myself...i believe that first

 and foremost i am an individual, just as much as you

are - or at least i am going to try and be...

i am not content any more with what most people

say. i have to think things out for myself, and get things clear.  

that is where i am at. that is the very crossroad at which i stand.

who is more important?

to whom do i owe more devotion and love?

can they be equally divided?

only time will tell.

.i am going to need someone to break my fall. 

 

dang, he got me again.

it's amazing how the lord has to remind me of things over and over and over again.

it never ceases to astound me how forgetful i am.

today i received an unpleasant message, that got all my emotions tied up in a knot.

it threw, what was a wonderful day, into a complete chaos of emotions.

for hours i have been replaying the last six months of my life, wondering what it 

was that threw everything for a loop. i was listening to music, and attempting

to work through the mess of emotions. as i was sitting on my hall's lounge floor,

i looked up on the wall and there it was. yet again, the lord had to remind me that:

"people can make all kinds of plans, but only the lord's plans will happen."

proverbs 19:21

i have tried to calculate this problem down to one reason, when in reality

no matter how hard i try i can't. his plan's happen and even more than that, 

they are better than mine by far. i guess today i just have to trust that.

oh goodness.