love.

courage to fight.

courage to dream.

courage to live.

those are all the things

you have given me.

and i thank you.

"no, you can't have ice cream. eat this..."

today, when i went through the salad bar i was seriously disturbed.

my favorite eat was gone, missing, no where to be found!

i have recently decided that hummus is the yummiest thing in the ara, 

due to that revelation it is currently my main dish at every meal.

so imagine my shock and sadness, 

when i walk up to the salad bar to get my

hummus and feta cheese and there are none to

found!

i quickly scanned the rest of the metal tubs for 

something that might bring me just a tad bit of 

the satisfaction my hummus and feta bring me.

and then i saw it.

the white, curdled chunks brought

back memories.

memories of both childhood,

and also my surprise trip to kc.

i started laughing as i spooned the cottage

cheese onto my plate, and as i neared the table

i could tell i had a lot of explaining to do.

all of this to say sisters,

i thought of you today as i

ate my childhood diet.

miss you.

love you.

♥

"watch you spin around in your highest heels, you are the best one of the best ones."

if you need to find me, you will have to find

a really big ladder and bolt it to the ground 

because i am sitting on top of the world.

i don't plan on coming down anytime soon.

new jeans please!

just because i can...

i own three pair of jeans that while buttoned,

i can take off.

three pairs that are too big!

you have no idea how good this feels,

my hall mates do though.

i couldn't keep from screaming.

so exciting!

thanksgiving...

couldn't come sooner.

i need a break, seriously. 

somebody buy me a belt and some suspenders,

these jeans won't stay up!

stolen

this city along with a new endeavor,

have stolen my heart.

"you have stolen my heart.

you have stolen my heart.

watch you spin around in your highest heels.

you are the best one, of the best ones.

we

all

look

like

we

feel.

you have stolen my heart.

you have stolen my heart."

 

life.

"just because i'm losing, doesn't mean i'm lost.

doesn't mean i'll stop, doesn't mean i will cross.

just because i'm hurting, doesn't mean i'm hurt.

doesn't mean i didn't get what i deserved,

no better and no worse.

i just got lost,

every river that i tried to cross.

every door that i tried was locked,

oh and i'm just waiting till the shine wears off.

you might be a big fish in a little pond,

but that doesn't mean you've won.

cause along may come, a bigger one.

and you'll be lost,

every river that you've tried to cross.

every gun that you've ever held went off.

oh and i'm just waiting till the firing stopped.

oh and i'm just waiting till the shine wears off.

just waiting till the shine wears off...."

truth

"i think i'd miss you, even if we'd never met."

free

"return"

i need to return to him.

i need to come back to what i know of my God.

tomorrow i give a devotion in youth ministry.

"and that is where the problem lies;

 it lies in the fact that we can't forgive ourselves. 

we hold onto our past so we do not have to move into

the future."

i am going to speak on the fact that we make decisions that

may not have been the wisest or healthiest decisions 

(whether pertaining to mentally, physically, emotionally,

or spiritually) but the point is we made it. it is over, we can't

go back and change it. we can't alter it. we need to accept it,

if needed take time to grieve about it and then make a brand

new decision - that being whether we want to stay where

we are or if we want to move on, evolve. But if we don't choose 

to move on, our lives will degenerate into broken hearts 

conveying skewed views that propel the making of poor 

decisions. 

we are scared of grieving mainly because

that opens up doors and breaks down 

walls we are not comfortable without. 

they protect us, or at least we think so.

but the truth is, in order for us to heal

we need to grieve over it, talk about it, 

and let people in. But how can people 

come in when all our doors are bolted

and our walls higher than any ladder can reach?

the reasons given for the bolted doors

and very high walls lie solely in the fact that

we have been hurt. paralyzed us in fear of getting

hurt, again, believing in ourselves, feeling and dreaming big.

but these "paralyzers" can be only temporary,

if we choose. but that is just the thing, we have

to make that decision. they have the ability to be in the

driver seat of our lives, if we let them.

but let us be careful as we grieve our past, 

that we do not turn grieving into condemning.

Jesus made it clear in Romans that we are 

now free from that.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation

for those who are in Christ Jesus,

the law of the Spirit of life set me free

from the law of sin and death." 

chapter 8, verse 1

therefore if we choose Christ,

then we are free from it.

we are no longer slaves to 

this earth therefore freeing us

from the condemnation for our sins.

and then i will go on and on about how

to start the renewal process, and in what 

ways we can reclaim our life but i am 

going to leave them with this. something

i need, something we all need. something 

that has motivated me and i find when i look

to my own christian walk.

"the tragedy is that that same persons who have the deepest

capacity for worship are sometimes those who feel the least

right to worship. i am convinced the greatest cause of a believer's

inability to offer fragrant worship is a feeling of worthlessness,

whether self or environmentally imposed. please realize your past

sins may forfeit respect or position; but after you have truly repented,

past sins cannot annul your right to the deepest invitations of the 

christian experience: to know God and to worship him. if your 

feelings of worthlessness have been environmentally imposed, 

you have only one solution: allow God to lavish his love on you.

lavish worship comes from lavish love. if you receive god's 

love, you can then return it. many believers can accept

christ's gift of salvation but not the love that enabled it."

beth moore

pray that the lord's words are spoken.

i am praying for you.

love.

 

answer

"i will be the answer at the end of the line, i will be there for you while you take your time. in the burning of uncertainty i will be your solid ground, i will hold the balance when you can't look down. if it takes my whole life i won't break, i won't bend. it will all be worth it, worth it in the end. cause i can only tell you what i know, that i need you in my life because when all the stars go out you will still be burning so bright. cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind. take me to a place so holy, that i can wash this from my mind. memory choosing not to fight. if it takes my whole life i won't break, i won't bend. it will all be worth it in the end. cause i can only tell you what i know, that i need you in my life. that when all the stars burn out, you will still be burning so bright. cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind. "

when i listen to these two songs,

all i can think about are my two older sisters.

they have been that answer.

thank you.

i just wanted to say that i hate the way that magnuson campus center smells.

imagine mildew mixed with disgusting food.

delicious. 

proverbs 4:20-27

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them written on your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only the ways that are firm.  Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

What gets me about this verse is not only the

incredible portrayal of a life being lived for Christ,

but also the promise of two things. The word of God is 

"life to those who find them, and health to a man's whole body."

I believe that the Lord means this in all forms possible.

Not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The words of the Lord, bring healing.

What a compelling and exhilarating thought that is. 

Not only should we be challenged to bask in the word of Lord 

so much more, but we should also be challenged to live 

a life for Christ just like the one He described in this passage.

Let us challenge one another in these things, 

so that we may not only grow in Christ but also closer

together as a community of believers.