manythemiles

it has been too long

2011-03-24T02:16:00.001-05:00

it is time to begin again. come back soon.

legacy

2010-02-24T16:42:00.004-06:00

to hang between two thieves in the darkness, love must believe you are worth it.

"in the end i'd like to hang my hat on more besides

the temporary trappings of this world."

"i want to apologetically, leave that kind of legacy."

a legacy of love.

a legacy of eternity.

a legacy filled with truth and substance.

magnificent

2009-09-22T14:29:00.006-05:00

"he is jealous for me,

he loves like hurricane.

i am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.

and i realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.

oh how he loves us,

oh how, oh how he loves us.

he is jealous for me,

he loves like a hurricane.

i am tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.

and i realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.

oh how he loves us,

oh how, oh how he loves.

and we are his portion, and he is our prize.

drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes.

if his grace is an ocean, we are all sinking.

heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,

and my hearts turns violently inside my chest.

i don't have time to maintain these regrets,

when i think about...

how he loves us.

oh how he loves us.

oh how, oh how he loves us."

"many, o Lord my God are the wonders you have done.

the things you planned for us n one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare."

psalm 40:5

i cannot say it enough.

the Lord our God is magnificent.

magnificent, magnificent, magnificent.

imagine what he saved us from.

jesus.

2009-07-05T12:08:00.003-05:00

"praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

praise the Lord, O my should,

and forget not all his benefits -

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

the Lord works righteousness

and justice for all the oppressed."

psalm 103:1-6

what a wonderful day it will be when

we get to see him face to face.

i am praying for you all today.

i hope you are doing well,

and spending some time in the word.

my dear sister reminded me yesterday that today

these kids are my ministry, and she is right.

i need to be ministering love to them,

and that needs to be enough.

for all i know that is God's big plan for me,

these wonderful, beautiful children.

h & m,

thanks for the opportunity, i am loving being

here with them. they truly are a blessing.

off to teach the kids about Jesus,

i've been missing you.

2009-07-04T19:33:00.004-05:00

it's been a long, eventful last two months.

jesus is working on me and it's been really hard.

some days feel so overwhelming and others as light as a feather.

i am just trying to stay focused on the big picture.

i would like to be able to have a ministry for my hands to do today.

i would like to know where exactly i am headed in life.

i would like to be consistently faithful.

i would like to have it all together.

but patience is a virtue and jesus is faithful.

so i will rest in that today.

off to play with these little cuties.

convicted.

2009-05-04T12:59:00.002-05:00

man, oh man.

i woke up convicted this morning.

and let me just say:

be sure that you want what you pray for,

because he is not messing around.

anway, nights are the time when i feel the most...

vulnerable.

all the things that i forgot to do creep up on with me,

along with a roller coaster of emotions.

so after years of getting overwhelmed, i finally decided

to pray when i go to sleep.

i have been doing this for years now but the intimacy of

prayer is progressively growing.

it used to be all about asking, but thankfully it has become more.

so last night as i was praying, i asked the Lord to reveal my sin to me.

i wanted to have "clean hands and a pure heart". (psalm 24:4)

and let me tell you, he did just that.

i woke up this morning earlier than usual to shower, and do laundry.

i know this week is going to be crazy, so i wanted to get a head start.

i need all the time i can get.

seriously.

so as i was praying in the shower, i was asking the Lord for strength.

i knew i would need it for the physical strain this week would have,

but not for the emotional one he was going to cause in me.

as i was standing in front of the mirror,

hair dripping wet, in only a towel,

it hit me.

i claim to believe in the same God who saved the Israelites,

and yet i sit, complain and gossip not once praying for

restoration to take place...

if he can do a good work in me,

then he can do a good work in others,

including those who have caused

tremendous amounts of pain.

i say this with tear-filled eyes,

we serve an almighty God.

he is so, so, so, so, so magnificent.

and i know that you have heard it,

read it, said it and thought it but

just wait till you feel it.

it will turn your world upside down.

it makes your life without constant

praise for him seem so mundane.

all that to say, i leave you with two passages

to encourage you to pray and believe

that God can change people.

don't be fearful about what's up ahead.

he's got it all worked out.

"in all my prayers for all of you, i always pray with joy

because of your partnership in the gospel from the

first day until now, being confident of this:

that he who began a good work in you will carry it on

to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

philippians 1:4-6

"but i tell you who hear me: love your enemies,

do good to those who hate you;bless those who curse you,

pray for those who mistreat you."

luke 6:28

faithful.

2009-05-03T11:31:00.004-05:00

"morning by morning i wake up to find,

the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.

season by season, i watch him amazed in awe

of the mystery of his perfect ways.

all i have need of his hand will provide,

he's always been faithful to me.

i can't remember in trial or a pain,

he did not recycle to bring me gain.

i can't remember one single regret

in serving God only and trusting his hand.

all i have need of his hand will provide,

he's always been faithful to me.

this is my anthem, this is my song.

the theme of the stories i've heard for so long.

God has been faithful, he will be again.

His loving compassion, it knows no end.

all i have need of, his hand will provide.

he's always been faithful,

he's always been faithful to me."

he always has been and he always will be.

we serve the same God who freed the israelites,

who saved daniel from the lines den,

who raised lazarus from the dead,

who cast out demons and made the blind to see.

we serve a God bigger than any power known to man.

all i know is that i can't help but praise him,

because even in times of trials he is faithful.

remember that.

love you all.

because he is good.

2009-05-02T01:46:00.001-05:00

"trust in the lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

but in all your ways acknowledge him and he

shall direct your paths."

proverbs 3:5-6

warrior -poet

2009-04-30T13:33:00.006-05:00

i've got a couple things to share with all you lovelies today.

1. i went out to eat with my professor scot mcknight,

same guy i referenced for the best love

quote that has ever graced my ears.

we went to JBs, a jewish deli.

so here's a shout out to my jewish sister, lucy b.

keep it real in kansas.

he took us to get pastrami sandwiches,

i am thinking dad would be proud.

so if you are daddy - o, holler at your girl.

2. i am reading this book written by leslie ludy.

it was recommended by a good friend.

it's called "answering the guy questions".

let me make a few disclaimers before i mention

a certain part of this "set-apart girl's" guide.

disclaimer une: there is something about

christian books, i guess you could say the majority

are all repetitive. no seriously, if you have ever read one

you know what i am talking about. the author could sum up

what they said in five chapters into 3 pages. it's a problem.

apparently, none of them have the gift of conciseness.

disclaimer deux: i hate books that promise revelations about the

opposite sex, and then just leave you with the same ol' sayings

your great aunt told you. it's not new people.

let's get our acts together.

don't promise things you can't deliver.

disclaimer tois: she is kind of cheesy but overall her message is good.

so now that you know all of the reasons why you should doubt her,

let me give you the reason to trust her.

in the second chapter of her book, she talks about

warrior-poet manhood. in other words, she speaks of how guys are

called to be so much more than what they are. instead of sitting around

making excuses for perversion or a life full of selfishness,

they are supposed to be fighting for our protection.

she describes a warrior-poet has one who:

"has made a sacred covenant with his holy King.

he has chosen to deny himself, take up his cross and

follow Christ. he no longer lives to please his own

selfish desires. he lives to please his lord. he is not seeking to

draw attention to himself,but to draw all eyes to Jesus.

As John the Baptist said, 'He must increase,but I must decrease.'

(john 3:30) that's the motto of the warrior-poet's life."

men who are on fire for the Lord are the most attractive

men out there. seriously. he could be a russian midget with

coke bottle glasses but if he loves the Lord, i am sold.

in all seriousness though,

i don't only want to find a man who lives such a life,

but i also want to. that above quote is becoming

a daily prayer. i want Jesus to break my selfish heart.

i want to live solely for Him.

i want to draw attention to Christ.

i want to decrease, so my King can increase.

ludy goes on to talk about about what her and

her husband's relationship looked like before they got

married. she says:

"everytime i was around eric, i found that afterward i

was not thinking about eric ludy. i was thinking about

Jesus Christ. Often after spending an hour or two listening to

Him passionately talk about the word of God, i ended up in my room

with my bible, eagerly pouring over the scriptures and

seeking to know Christ more. Unlike anyone i had ever know,

eric ludy drew me closer to Jesus. in fact, his example was

a key factor in my own decision to live a radically

surrendered life for Christ."

can you imagine?

for so long, you don't think it's possible,

but it is. dang, if you guys are ever praying for me,

one of my biggest requests is for a man with a

"warrior-poet" heart. i want our talks to be about god's

goodness. i want to know he will lead our family into a closer

relationship with Christ. i want a "man after God's own heart"

for a husband. if that is what you pray for me,

how blessed i will be.

i have alot more to share from this book,

and my reading but unfortunately i have to run

and finish up some cell bio homework.

so longingly await the next entry where you

will be blessed once again by leslie ludy and her King.

she's got a lot of good stuff to say.

i love you all.

more than you know.

for reals.

your love is strong.

2009-04-29T18:52:00.003-05:00

so there is this guy.

his name is jon foreman.

he is the appointed lead singer of switchfoot.

anywho, he now does solo work and he has a song that

just wraps up this whole world in a pretty bow and

sets it on my doorstep.

so i am regifting it and sending it your way.

i have a feeling you are going to love it.

it's called : your love is strong.

here are the lyrics:

heavenly father you always amaze me.

let your kingdom come in your world and in my life.

give me the food i need to live through the day,

and forgive me as i forgive the people who've wronged me.

lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.

i look out the window, the birds are composing,

not a note is out of tune or our of place.

i walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers,

that are dressed better than any girl on her wedding day.

so why should i worry?

why do i freak out?

god knows what i need.

you know what i need.

your love is

strong.

the kingdom of the heavens is now advancing,

invade my heart, invade this broken town.

the kingdom of the heavens is buried treasure,

you have to sell yourself to buy the one you found.

two things that you told me:

that you are strong and you love me.

yes, you love me.

your love is,

strong.

your love is,

strong.

our god in heaven, hallow it be thy name above all names,

your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

give us today our daily bread, forgive us weary sinners.

keep us far from our vices and deliver us from this prison.

so there you go kiddos,

that's all i got.

i am just feeling overwhelmed today

by god and this "universe" thing.

have a good night.

i miss you all.

xoxo

kansas is keeping it real.

2009-04-28T10:01:00.004-05:00

oh dear.

so you kansas citians are keeping it real at 5 am,

compliments of ms. whiny pants who keeps claiming the eight.

i don't think it's fair.

i will start a petition.

you can sign it, alright?

let's see here.

what kind of update do i got for you all.

well first off, i had a crazy dream last night.

it was about the end times.

not something that most people want to wake up to.

it's a little frightening.

second of all,

last night before i fell asleep all i could think

about was what is would be like

if it all worked out.

i was telling abbie, that i don't want

to go through the let down again.

that would mean i would have to

once again convince myself that vulnerability

was worth it.

and that takes time people.

time i don't have.

so this needs to work out,

for time's sake.

right?

third,

it's a good thing my sister's surgery went well,

and that she isn't sick like last time.

that would be stinky.

thank you to dr. spradlin and team.

we payne and moore folk appreciate it.

oh and i have been reading the bible

a lot recently, and can i just say that once you

get started you just can't stop!

it just creates this thirst in you.

my mom always told me stories about how in the beginning

when she first became a christian, all she ever wanted to do

was read the bible and quite frankly i didn't understand it,

until i was out of high school.

then it finally hit me, like a brick wall.

so as long as i am overtaken by love for my savior

all you will be getting are some classic "b jokes" and lectures

about things i am reading.

what a lucky group you are.

so here we go...

ecclesiastes 2:10-11

when i went to jamaica for my senior

missions trip, every single night we had

a time of reflection and bible reading.

someone would speak, usually ted goeke,

a youth pastor and radio dj from georgia.

anyway, one night ted said something that

has stuck with me ever since.

he said:

"if satan can't make you bad, he will

make you busy."

i think it has stuck with me, because it is so true.

since he can't get me to drink, curse and sex it up,

he is constantly attempting to distract me from

what is really important.

and slowly but surely i start doing things that i

want in my time the way i like it.

it becomes less about god and more about myself.

which leads me to my lecture

from ecclesiastes.

here is what is said in v. 10-11:

"i denied myself nothing my eyes desired;

i refused my heart no pleasure.

my heart took delight in all my work,

and this was the reward for all my labor.

yet when i surveyed all that my hands had done,

and what i had toiled to achieve,

everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;

nothing was gained under the sun."

i think i am going to post that up somewhere

to remind me that if my purpose is my own,

then nothing is going to be gained.

it has to be for the lord, or i am going nowhere.

so there you go,

the lecture for the day is completed.

i hope you enjoyed.

loves. loves. loves. and more loves.

p.s.

here is a quote from greys.

good ol' miranda bailey.

"no one is going to be doing surgeries

until i am so happy that i am

mary freakin' poppins!"

pray.

2009-04-27T14:27:00.001-05:00

so seriously, pray for me if you think of it.

this week and into next is going to be overwhelming.

i can already feel the pressure and stress,

and the thing is - it's just turning me off towards the whole idea.

it makes me not want to do anything.

to just lay around, not work.

so pray for self-discipline, for productiveness and sleep.

i would be very, very grateful.

keep it real peeps.

when it was over.

2009-04-25T23:19:00.004-05:00

i had a book assigned to me in my jesus of nazareth class,

and although my purpose was primarily educational, it quickly became so much more.

in it i found the most perfect definition of love.

one that i plan on incorporating into a wedding someday,

one i want to be the definition of the love i give to my future husband,

essentially one that defines our marriage.

so here it is:

love: an unconditional regard for a person that prompts

and shapes behaviors in order to help that person

to become what God desires.

scot mcknight, my professor and author of the book "the jesus creed" is referencing

one's love for christ as well as others when he gives us the above definition.

and for the first time, i think someone got it right.

for the first time, i can truly say i agree.

people walk around asking question after question

about love and by what standard it can be measured.

but the answers they receive are few and far between,

at least the ones of truth and worth.

scot mcknight defines it best when he says love is essentially selflessness.

the priorities of "his" love all fall in line.

first, our love is to worship and glorify God.

next, our love is help our "loved one" purely live out God's plan for their life.

we aren't doing it to gain worth, confidence or pleasure.

we are doing it because we want to glorify our King.

as you all know, i am addicted to sara groves music.

i literally can't get enough.

her music is my life in song.

but here is the thing, different songs apply to different times.

you know what i mean?

for three months of your life "painting pictures of egypt"

and "rewrite this tragedy" apply, and you forget all about "honesty".

well this similar situation happened to me today.

i have been listening to "maybe there's a loving God" and "song for my son's"

like crazy, but tonight when i got in bed to go to sleep, God had a whole other plan.

i got all tucked in, and set my macbook on my lap to get on the internet before

i closed these tired eyes for good. before i had hopped into bed, i turned on my

ipod, like normal, to sara groves. and after a couple songs "when it was over" came on.

it immediately hit me. like i was hearing it for the first time.

for the past couple of days, i have been dealing with the relationships,

whether it be with christ or with humans. i have been examining the way that

i am loved by others, as well as how i love.

but primarily marriage and the idea of a lifetime spent with someone

has been on my mind. maybe it is because i twenty years old, and that is

what girls my age think about or maybe it is because God is working in me.

i have always been fearful of marriage.

i haven't had good examples,

i haven't heard good things and

i haven't experienced a relationship that ended particularly well.

so all of that to say, that i think God is trying to work.

trying to change my heart.

trying to get me ready for something.

maybe because this time things feel different.

and so God has been doing this good work in me,

and transforming my thoughts and beliefs.

showing me that he has a plan, and it is good.

and that it can work.

so i leave you with this song.

i leave you with the thought that my heart's desire for marriage is this.

i leave you with the fact that i am praying, really, really hard for something more.

and i leave you with the fact that this time it feels a whole heck of a lot different,

and as scared as i am all i can do is trust because it just feels right.

it feels like it could honestly be my happy ending.

"when it was over and they could talk about it,

she said there's just one thing that i gotta know.

what when you were running so hard and fast,

made you stop and turn for home?

he said i always knew you loved me even though i'd broken your heart.

i'd always knew there be a place for me to make a brand new start.

oh love wash over a multitude of things.

make us whole.

when it was over and they could talk about it,

when they were sitting on the couch.

she said what on earth made you stay when you

finally figured out what i was all about?

he said i always knew you'd do the right thing,

even though it might take some time.

she said, yeah i felt that and that's what probably

saved my life.

love wash over a multitude of things.

make us whole.

there is a love that never fails,

there is a healing that always prevails.

there is a hope that whispers a vow,

promises to wait while we work it all out.

so come with your love and wash over us.

love wash over a multitude of things.

make us whole. "

i don't blame you.

2009-04-24T10:24:00.002-05:00

it is beautiful out today.

i believe the current temperature is around sixty - eight.

it is supposed to get up to eighty.

but i am content with sixty -eight.

not too hot, not too cold.

so last night was a drag, but this morning i woke up

and am feeling a little more on the uppity side.

can't explain it, but thankful for it.

the above phrase sounds like a country song.

oh dear.

so i am honestly in love with rilo kiley.

her songs are all bitter and tainted and i like it.

she tells it like it is, instead of lying.

honesty is the best policy, or at least that is what i 've heard,

but then again don't quote me.

so i leave you with the fact that although in the moment,

your problems may seem huge and overwhelming

that truth of it all is that we are only here for a little bit,

and most of the so called "problems" really chalk up to nothing

when all is said and done.

so take it with a grain of salt, and relax.

tomorrow is a new day.

a new day for a new beginning.

april 23

2009-04-23T22:40:00.002-05:00

today is one of those days.

when everything feels bigger than it is.

when everyone around me makes me feel small and unapproachable.

when everywhere i have to go isn't silent enough.

when all i want to do is cry.

it isn't a day for the books that is for sure.

i am not sure why i am feeling this way, but it seems to happen to me every spring.

this time though, i am going to think happy thoughts.

the world seems overwhelming, and i don't like it.

not one bit.

i look around and think about those huge questions of life that can't be answered.

the ones like:

who am i, really?

was i made for more?

all those stupid ones.

i wish i was amazed and flabbergasted by comic books and sliced apples.

imagine the ease of my life and those around me if the above was true.

those kinds of people aren't bombarded with stupid life questions,

but alas, they have to be pushed around in wheelchairs.

all in all, tomorrow is a new day.

but tonight i am going to bask in these melancholy feelings.

it's who i am.

you can't blame me.

i'm out.

it was good vera.

2009-03-28T17:39:00.006-05:00

let's deal with the situation posted on my

beloved sister's blog: bebe & alice.

i will admit, i use to be a devoted fan and buyer

of vera bradley products but after this new found 'power'

they are using to destroy both this beautiful green earth

and my sister's wonderful creations - i'm out.

i mean let's be honest, what was being done with

those catalogs after people mulled over them to find

just the right pattern for spring? nothing, not squat, zilch.

so imagine, millions and millions of vera bradley magazines

are piling up in the junk yards of suburbia, not disintegrating

into the ground. which gives al gore another plot for a video about

global warming, another million dollar making opportunity for vera

bradley to pass up and another reason for me to stop purchasing from

a fairly decent establishment; none of which is good for this

environment or economy.

so what will my sister do? let a brighter store take her

up on her kick ass idea and screw vera bradley over.

and what will vera bradley do? cry themselves to sleep

as all of their "devoted, pattern-loving, going-green customers"

prance their way right on over to a smarter store in order to pick

up some chic, "green" and incredibly creative stationary on which

they will write hate letters to their once beloved supplier of accessories.

i mean by vera bradley turning up this

awesome opportunity, they are tanking their business.

sorry, but i just can't support a business that doesn't value

small businesses and their ability to create beautiful accessories.

it was good vera.

freakin' spectacular

2009-03-18T23:24:00.002-05:00

this week so far as been spectacular.

the weather, the people, the literature,

seriously every stinkin' thing.

just thought you all should know.

i will update come tomorrow.

loves.loves.loves.

dissatisfaction

2009-03-15T23:07:00.002-05:00

dissatisfaction with my generation's pursuit

of god has overtaken me.

please pray for me as i look to next year,

and that means for me as far as college goes.

as much as i love chicago and north park.

i feel as though there is no encouragement in

christ, no challenge to pursue him and plainly

no foundation on which students can stand in

this environment. in some ways it surprised me

and in others it disappointed.

after spending the week on spring break with friends and

family and seeing their pursuits of christ, i so deeply

wanted to be surrounded by them. i wanted to seek christ

with them, go to church, find a ministry to get involved in

and feel like i am actually pursuing something worth-while.

so again, please pray.

i need god to reveal what i am supposed to do,

and even better in a timely manner.

i am thinking and praying for you all.

much love.

it was 4:30 am, give me a break!

2009-03-08T04:30:00.004-05:00

best night i've had in a long time.

31 pounds down.

great friends.

non-stop laughing.

great parents.

what more can a girl ask for?

falling.

2009-03-05T00:20:00.004-06:00

"whose gonna break my fall, when the spinning stops? the colors bleed together and then fade. was it ever there at all? and have i lost my way? the path of least resistance is catching up with me again. i am afraid to sink, i am afraid to swim. sad to say i miss my friends and know that i am supposed to step away. but they need me to stay and keep a watchful eye on all my heros and all their demons, but whose gonna break my fall?"

finding the balance between what is healthy and was isn't can be so tough. recently i have been trying with all my might to realize where i draw that line so that i may function as an emotionally healthy being but it seems with each day it gets harder. growing up in a christian home and school has really effected my idea of what it means to be selfless. as i have grown up, i have realized that being selfless doesn't mean constantly putting oneself in danger of losing oneself. i am currently trying to find where that line needs to be drawn, and how to let those 'friends' down easily. i truly do love those people, but i also love myself so it might be time to 'step away'.

we are currently reading a play in studies in literature. the play is a doll's house by james mcfarlane. the leading character, nora is in pursuit of finding herself and what role she plays in society. below she is speaking to her husband about how she is going to leave him and he responds:

torvald: you are betraying your most sacred duty.

nora: and what do you consider to be my most sacred duty?

torvald: does it take me to tell you that?

isn't your duty to your husband and children?

nora: i have another duty equally sacred.

torvald: you have not. what duty might that be?

nora: my duty to myself...i believe that first

and foremost i am an individual, just as much as you

are - or at least i am going to try and be...

i am not content any more with what most people

say. i have to think things out for myself, and get things clear.

that is where i am at. that is the very crossroad at which i stand.

who is more important?

to whom do i owe more devotion and love?

can they be equally divided?

only time will tell.

.i am going to need someone to break my fall.

dang, he got me again.

2009-03-03T18:17:00.003-06:00

it's amazing how the lord has to remind me of things over and over and over again.

it never ceases to astound me how forgetful i am.

today i received an unpleasant message, that got all my emotions tied up in a knot.

it threw, what was a wonderful day, into a complete chaos of emotions.

for hours i have been replaying the last six months of my life, wondering what it

was that threw everything for a loop. i was listening to music, and attempting

to work through the mess of emotions. as i was sitting on my hall's lounge floor,

i looked up on the wall and there it was. yet again, the lord had to remind me that:

"people can make all kinds of plans, but only the lord's plans will happen."

proverbs 19:21

i have tried to calculate this problem down to one reason, when in reality

no matter how hard i try i can't. his plan's happen and even more than that,

they are better than mine by far. i guess today i just have to trust that.

oh goodness.

more than just a song.

2009-02-25T21:47:00.003-06:00

lord, i have a heavy burden of all i've seen,

and it's more than i can handle.

but your word is burning like a fire

shut up in my bones...

and i can't let it go.

and when i'm weary and overwrought

with so many battles left unfought.

i think of paul and sylas in the prison yard,

i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars.

and when the saints go marching in,

i want to be one of them.

lord, it's all that i can't carry and cannot leave behind,

but your word has compelled me.

cause when i think of all who've gone before me and lived the faithful life.

and when i'm weary and overwrought

with so many battles left unfought.

i think of paul and silas in the prison yard,

i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars.

i see the shepherd moses in the pharoh's court

i hear his call for freedom for the people of the lord.

and when the saints go marching in, i want to be one of them.

i see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad,

i see the slave awakening to the value of her soul.

i see the young missionary and the end of the spear,

i see his family returning with no trace of fear.

i see the long, hard shadows of calcutta nights;

i see the sisters standing by the leper's side.

i see the young girl huddled on the brother floor,

i see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door.

i see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road

i see the world on his shoulders, and my easy load.

and when the saints go marching in, i want to be one of them.

the italicized part, i have come to find is more than it seems.

it's not only in this physical realm and what a great man did

for a poor beaten down woman - but also what our king has

done for us. hold tight to the fact that we are no longer slaves,

but rather we are free and full of value because a man with a

passion for his beloved kicked down the door and saved us.

be thankful for that today. i know i sure am.

wheel.

2009-02-23T10:45:00.002-06:00

you can build a house of leaves,

and live like it's an evergreen.

it's just a season thing,

it's just this thing the seasons do.

and that's the way this wheel keeps working out.

and you won't be the first,

no you won't be the first to love me.

you can find me, if you ever want again.

i will be around the bend, i'll be around the bend,

i'll be around, i'll be around...

and if you never stop when you wave goodbye,

you just might find if you give it time you will

wave hello again, you might just wave hello again.

that's the way this wheel keeps working out.

you can't love too much one part of it,

you can't love too much one part.

i believe that my life is going to see,

the love i give return to me.

inspiration

2009-02-19T17:47:00.001-06:00

okay, seriously.

i love these two women.

a whole freaking lot.

i miss you two.

see you in 16 days!

trip #5

2009-02-13T10:55:00.004-06:00

.kc here i come.

ain't gonna lose you....

2009-02-10T20:28:00.005-06:00

you can put a stick in my spokes,

i can be the butt of your jokes,

i can be the laughing stock, i can be your hoax

but i ain't gonna lose you.

they can come and tear my house down,

they can run me out of town,

they can tie me up, call me a clown

but i ain't gonna lose you.

they can make me turn my back on my friends,

send me away to san quentin,

put me in hole, a thousand times

but i ain't gonna lose you.

throw me in a hurricane,

tell the whole world i have gone insane,

run an electric shock to my brain

but i ain't gonna lose you.

i'll sing it from the rooftop,

i'll sing it from the bus stop,

i'll sing it on the street drunk to a cop,

but i ain't gonna lose you.

thank you.

2009-02-09T02:52:00.002-06:00

i've been feeling your grip around my veins,

like a bunch of balloons, you keep me from drifting away.

so i can't thank you enough babe.

i can't thank you enough babe.

when i hang my head, and lose my sight

and i can't get up, your my kite.

so i can't thank you enough babe.

i can't thank you enough babe.

sometimes i land on all fours,

but you come pick me up off my

concrete floor. even after what i said

to you, you look past it and you always

come through.

so i can't thank you enough babe.

i can't thank you enough babe.

i can't thank you enough...

love.

2009-02-04T19:27:00.003-06:00

sleep, don't weep my sweet love.

your face so wet cause my day went rough.

so do what you must do to find yourself,

wear another shoe, paint my shelf.

those times that i was broke, you stood strong.

i hope i find a place where i feel i belong.

sleep, don't weep my sweet love.

i can feel it.

2009-02-03T22:30:00.003-06:00

i sold my piano, it couldn't come with me.

i locked up my bedroom and i walked out into the air.

nothing i needed was left there behind me, i walked

out through the shadows of washington square.

i wandered the highways from dublin to berkley

and i heard the songbirds. i looked at the fountain

that left me with nothing, just memories of walking

through washington square. now i live in the shadows,

where light is electric. the time is a number that rests

on a wall and nobody knows me, my friends and my family

are as far from this city as washington square.

so cover this warm night in a blanket of starlight,

and i will follow this freeway out into the air.

in case you should wonder, and wanted to find me

i am traveling homeward to washington square.

reverse.

2009-02-01T23:41:00.004-06:00

i wish there was a button you could push that wiped away all you ever were and ever knew and you could start over. maybe your dreams, passions and gifts stayed with you but everything else disappeared. i want to get a job in downtown chicago. i want an apartment right off an el stop, that i can decorate. i want to move things in. i don't want to know anyone, i want to be free of relationships and people. i want to be by myself. i want to wake up alone and go to sleep alone. i want to drink coffee by myself in the mornings at an old white kitchen table. i want to have a golden retriever, that is old. i want to play counting crows with my windows open. i want an art room. i want to have a part time job in a coffee shop or in paper source at nights. i want to walk blocks and blocks from my work to get home. i want to go garage and antique shopping to find knick knacks for my apartment. i want to journal in a small cafe. i want to create. i want to have an all white bed plush with white bedding. i want to be twenty-seven. i want my own life.

coop de doop

2009-02-01T01:58:00.003-06:00

i cannot wait to see this kid.

.seriously.

i don't think i have ever loved someone so much.

oh goodness.

2009-01-31T00:19:00.002-06:00

i want to come home.

i want to sleep in my own bed.

i want to eat in my kitchen.

i want to hug my mommy.

i want to drive in the car with my sister and laugh my freaking head off.

i want to snuggle up on the couch and watch lifetime.

i want to have my daddy hold me for a long time.

i want kansas city.

all i can say...

2009-01-29T11:31:00.003-06:00

i just want to be there when we're caught in the rain.

i just want to see you laugh and cry.

i just want to feel you, when the night puts on its cloak.

i am lost for words, all i can say is:

i love you till the end.

i love you till the end|the pogues

the song my husband and i will walk down the aisle to.

don't doubt it.

i only speak truth.

greyhound.

2009-01-26T11:33:00.002-06:00

i want to live where soul meets body, and let the sun wrap it's arms around me.

and leave my skin in water cool and cleansing and feel what it's like to believe.

cause in my head there's a greyhound station, where i have set my thoughts to far

off destinations. so they may have a chance of finding a place where they are far

more suited than here. i cannot guess what we'll discover...

to the greatest....

2009-01-24T03:17:00.003-06:00

to the greatest dad and papa, anyone could ever ask for.

we love you.

happy birthday!

to the sweetest...

2009-01-23T10:33:00.002-06:00

happy birthday mommy!

i love you.

prayers

2009-01-21T23:17:00.002-06:00

pray for a miracle.

i want you to do it today.

pray for something unexpected, inviting and challenging.

see what he sends your way.

you might just be pleasantly surprised.

dream of my life.

2009-01-19T18:43:00.004-06:00

dream of my life.

disney world!

you all know how much i love that place,

and although i made it there this summer

it was not exactly the experience of a lifetime.

my left eye was watering and unable to open,

oh and never mind the fact that i was 25 lbs heavier.

well good news family,

disney world in honor of 2009

(and of course moi)

has decided to give everybody

free admission to any park on their

birthday.

mine is less than a month away.

truth.

2009-01-19T03:34:00.003-06:00

we choose to marry based on similarities and compatibility, but when the honeymoon's over, we sometimes believe we've made a mistake, not thinking for one moment that God also brings us together for our differences and even our wounds, since living happily ever after is not the only thing He has in mind for us.

|every heart restored|

if your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself.

but if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself

and me.

|matthew 10:39|

giving up.

2009-01-18T18:46:00.003-06:00

what if we stopped to have a ball

what if the paint chipped from the wall

what if there's always cups in the sink

what if i am not what you think i am

what if i fall further than you

what if you dream of somebody new

what if i never let you win

chase you with a rolling pin

well, what if i do?

cause i am giving up on making passes

and i am giving up on half empty glasses

and i am giving up on greener grasses

i am giving up.

what if our baby comes in after nine

what if your eyes close before mine

what if you lose yourself sometimes

i'll be the one to find you safe in my heart.

good song.

listen to it.

giving up.

ingrid michaelson.

i had the best day.

2009-01-14T10:44:00.002-06:00

i'm thirteen now, and don't know how my friends could be so mean.

i come home crying, and you hold me tight and grab the keys.

and we drive, and drive until we find a town far enough away

and we talk and window shop until i forgot all their names.

i don't know who i am going to talk to now at school,

i know i am laughing on the card ride home with you.

i don't how long it will take for me to feel okay,

but i know i had the best day with you today.

how was i to know,

that my sister was going to be

my very best friend?

now i know why all the trees change in the fall,

i know you were on my side, even when i was wrong.

and i love you for giving me your eyes,

staying back and watching me shine.

and i didn't know if you knew,

so i am taking this chance to say:

i had the best day with you today.

good news.

2009-01-12T22:08:00.002-06:00

i love being back.

i love my friends.

i love my class.

i love room.

i love my roommate.

i love my life.

chi-town is the place to be.

you.

2009-01-09T04:28:00.003-06:00

you cause my heart to sing.

you are always listening.

you understand my dreams.

you do, you cut away my lies.

you see through my disguise,

you are not so far away from me as i thought you'd be.

you love me as i am, even when i cannot stand.

you whisper in my ear all the things i need to hear, from you.

you are a mystery.

you bring strong men to their knees.

you change the hearts of kings.

you do, you have names for all your stars.

you heal my wounds and kiss my scars.

you sing a million songs over me.

you|waterdeep

oh me, oh my.

i cannot explain his goodness.

i prayed he would lavish his love on me,

so that i may understand it and he is

beginning to.

he seriously loves us, despite who we are.

and although i wish that my words and

experiences would be able to help you

to better understand that, they can't.

it has to be personal, it has to come

in it's own time.

but promise me one thing, when it does

that you will share it with me.

hopefully it will just be one more

reminder of how great our God is.

a new beginning.

2009-01-06T05:43:00.002-06:00

it is time to start this baby up again.

man, i have missed you my dear friends.

sorry for the lack of communication.

i hope this is not falling on deaf ears.

over this next year i will be posting on the all the changes that have both happened and are in the midst of happening.

i hope you enjoy.

loving you.

miss piggy.

2008-12-11T13:29:00.000-06:00

home again, home again, jiggity jig.

all-nighter.

2008-12-09T07:23:00.004-06:00

oh my goodness, it is 7:24 am.

i should be asleep, but unfortunately i am still awake.

i have not slept since 1:30 pm yesterday. it has been a long

18 hours of reading, writing, and discussing.

i seriously think i might keel over.

i have been working on this paper for dialogue for over a week,

every two days changing my topic and starting fresh. three days

ago was the last time though, maybe over three days but i am not

sure seeing as my brain wants to quit on me.

as i have been working on this paper, i have gotten to a place of

frustration because i feel as though i am working my butt off

and yet nothing is coming out of it. plus, i keep thinking about

everything i have to do for other classes, and how i have to pack

and clean and all that great stuff that has to get done in order to

really be "free".

so as i was stressing about it, i was reminded of a verse.

and i want to share it with you because i am in a place of

having to fully depend on it in order to get through this

last day and a half. my energy, strength and ability to think

are all gone, but i know someone whose aren't.

he said to me,

"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

then he went ahead and added:

"be anxious for nothing, but in everything

by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your

requests known to God. and the peace of God, which passes

all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds

in Jesus Christ."

praise the Lord.

never ending

2008-12-08T00:58:00.002-06:00

"you are wonderful, a friend to the weary.

you have been so faithful, your goodness, it follows me.

you are beautiful, your love is never ending.

my savior, my friend- all these years, we've been walking..."

isn't it true?

joel 2:12-14

2008-12-05T10:31:00.004-06:00

"even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." rend your heart and not your garments. return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. who knows? he may turn and have pity and leave us behind a blessing..."

yesterday, i opened my bible and was headed to psalms,

but ran into joel and these verses caught my eye.

then right after reading joel 2, i headed onto psalm 4.

look at what it said...

"answer me when i call to you,

oh my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

be merciful to me and hear my prayer."

v. 1

i think the Lord was trying to say something.

love,

the bumble b.

the bumble

2008-12-03T16:15:00.005-06:00

i just wanted to say that i love wearing my bumble.

best coat i have ever owned.

okay, so we have a problem.

i am in a really uncomfortable, unhealthy place. before i lost all this weight, i was semi-unhappy about my weight. but it seems that now that i have lost this weight i am in a even deeper place of unhappiness. i want to lose more, and more, and more.

and i guess even though intellectually

i know that the problem lies deeper than my

outward appearance, i can't seem to convince myself

that even if i do lose more i won't be happy until

i fix the inside.

i just feel so ungrateful,

and disappointed in myself

for not being able to be content.

i wish that what i have already accomplished

would be enough, but it doesn't seem to be.

i leave you with the fact that

life is complicated.

love to you,

bumble b.

good news!

2008-12-02T13:00:00.003-06:00

i had an interview for a desk attendant position today, and Catherine told me that she thinks that i would be perfect. she said that both her and the head of the dorms were very impressed with my application. they said that the way that i typed everything up was fantastic! she said i was personable, a leader, and had a good head on my shoulders. then she went as far as to tell me to apply to be an RA because she thinks i would be a fantastic. so i am going to the meeting come thursday evening, and feel as though i have the desk attendant position for sure. exciting, huh?

being an RA would pay for my housing next year, isn't that great?

snowing....

2008-12-01T08:53:00.001-06:00

let it snow. let it snow. let it snow.

love.

2008-11-26T12:15:00.003-06:00

courage to fight.

courage to dream.

courage to live.

those are all the things

you have given me.

and i thank you.

"no, you can't have ice cream. eat this..."

2008-11-24T12:12:00.003-06:00

today, when i went through the salad bar i was seriously disturbed.

my favorite eat was gone, missing, no where to be found!

i have recently decided that hummus is the yummiest thing in the ara,

due to that revelation it is currently my main dish at every meal.

so imagine my shock and sadness,

when i walk up to the salad bar to get my

hummus and feta cheese and there are none to

found!

i quickly scanned the rest of the metal tubs for

something that might bring me just a tad bit of

the satisfaction my hummus and feta bring me.

and then i saw it.

the white, curdled chunks brought

back memories.

memories of both childhood,

and also my surprise trip to kc.

i started laughing as i spooned the cottage

cheese onto my plate, and as i neared the table

i could tell i had a lot of explaining to do.

all of this to say sisters,

i thought of you today as i

ate my childhood diet.

miss you.

love you.

♥

2008-11-22T23:33:00.002-06:00

"watch you spin around in your highest heels, you are the best one of the best ones."

if you need to find me, you will have to find

a really big ladder and bolt it to the ground

because i am sitting on top of the world.

i don't plan on coming down anytime soon.

new jeans please!

2008-11-22T00:06:00.003-06:00

just because i can...

i own three pair of jeans that while buttoned,

i can take off.

three pairs that are too big!

you have no idea how good this feels,

my hall mates do though.

i couldn't keep from screaming.

so exciting!

thanksgiving...

2008-11-21T10:05:00.000-06:00

couldn't come sooner.

i need a break, seriously.

somebody buy me a belt and some suspenders,

these jeans won't stay up!

stolen

2008-11-18T21:47:00.008-06:00

this city along with a new endeavor,

have stolen my heart.

"you have stolen my heart.

you have stolen my heart.

watch you spin around in your highest heels.

you are the best one, of the best ones.

all

look

feel.

you have stolen my heart.

you have stolen my heart."

life.

2008-11-16T01:50:00.002-06:00

"just because i'm losing, doesn't mean i'm lost.

doesn't mean i'll stop, doesn't mean i will cross.

just because i'm hurting, doesn't mean i'm hurt.

doesn't mean i didn't get what i deserved,

no better and no worse.

i just got lost,

every river that i tried to cross.

every door that i tried was locked,

oh and i'm just waiting till the shine wears off.

you might be a big fish in a little pond,

but that doesn't mean you've won.

cause along may come, a bigger one.

and you'll be lost,

every river that you've tried to cross.

every gun that you've ever held went off.

oh and i'm just waiting till the firing stopped.

oh and i'm just waiting till the shine wears off.

just waiting till the shine wears off...."

truth

2008-11-12T00:14:00.000-06:00

"i think i'd miss you, even if we'd never met."

free

2008-11-09T23:08:00.004-06:00

"return"

i need to return to him.

i need to come back to what i know of my God.

tomorrow i give a devotion in youth ministry.

"and that is where the problem lies;

it lies in the fact that we can't forgive ourselves.

we hold onto our past so we do not have to move into

the future."

i am going to speak on the fact that we make decisions that

may not have been the wisest or healthiest decisions

(whether pertaining to mentally, physically, emotionally,

or spiritually) but the point is we made it. it is over, we can't

go back and change it. we can't alter it. we need to accept it,

if needed take time to grieve about it and then make a brand

new decision - that being whether we want to stay where

we are or if we want to move on, evolve. But if we don't choose

to move on, our lives will degenerate into broken hearts

conveying skewed views that propel the making of poor

decisions.

we are scared of grieving mainly because

that opens up doors and breaks down

walls we are not comfortable without.

they protect us, or at least we think so.

but the truth is, in order for us to heal

we need to grieve over it, talk about it,

and let people in. But how can people

come in when all our doors are bolted

and our walls higher than any ladder can reach?

the reasons given for the bolted doors

and very high walls lie solely in the fact that

we have been hurt. paralyzed us in fear of getting

hurt, again, believing in ourselves, feeling and dreaming big.

but these "paralyzers" can be only temporary,

if we choose. but that is just the thing, we have

to make that decision. they have the ability to be in the

driver seat of our lives, if we let them.

but let us be careful as we grieve our past,

that we do not turn grieving into condemning.

Jesus made it clear in Romans that we are

now free from that.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation

for those who are in Christ Jesus,

the law of the Spirit of life set me free

from the law of sin and death."

chapter 8, verse 1

therefore if we choose Christ,

then we are free from it.

we are no longer slaves to

this earth therefore freeing us

from the condemnation for our sins.

and then i will go on and on about how

to start the renewal process, and in what

ways we can reclaim our life but i am

going to leave them with this. something

i need, something we all need. something

that has motivated me and i find when i look

to my own christian walk.

"the tragedy is that that same persons who have the deepest

capacity for worship are sometimes those who feel the least

right to worship. i am convinced the greatest cause of a believer's

inability to offer fragrant worship is a feeling of worthlessness,

whether self or environmentally imposed. please realize your past

sins may forfeit respect or position; but after you have truly repented,

past sins cannot annul your right to the deepest invitations of the

christian experience: to know God and to worship him. if your

feelings of worthlessness have been environmentally imposed,

you have only one solution: allow God to lavish his love on you.

lavish worship comes from lavish love. if you receive god's

love, you can then return it. many believers can accept

christ's gift of salvation but not the love that enabled it."

beth moore

pray that the lord's words are spoken.

i am praying for you.

love.

answer

2008-11-08T12:13:00.002-06:00

"i will be the answer at the end of the line, i will be there for you while you take your time. in the burning of uncertainty i will be your solid ground, i will hold the balance when you can't look down. if it takes my whole life i won't break, i won't bend. it will all be worth it, worth it in the end. cause i can only tell you what i know, that i need you in my life because when all the stars go out you will still be burning so bright. cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind. take me to a place so holy, that i can wash this from my mind. memory choosing not to fight. if it takes my whole life i won't break, i won't bend. it will all be worth it in the end. cause i can only tell you what i know, that i need you in my life. that when all the stars burn out, you will still be burning so bright. cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind. "

when i listen to these two songs,

all i can think about are my two older sisters.

they have been that answer.

thank you.

2008-11-07T09:12:00.000-06:00

i just wanted to say that i hate the way that magnuson campus center smells.

imagine mildew mixed with disgusting food.

delicious.

proverbs 4:20-27

2008-11-05T08:36:00.005-06:00

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them written on your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only the ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

What gets me about this verse is not only the

incredible portrayal of a life being lived for Christ,

but also the promise of two things. The word of God is

"life to those who find them, and health to a man's whole body."

I believe that the Lord means this in all forms possible.

Not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The words of the Lord, bring healing.

What a compelling and exhilarating thought that is.

Not only should we be challenged to bask in the word of Lord

so much more, but we should also be challenged to live

a life for Christ just like the one He described in this passage.

Let us challenge one another in these things,

so that we may not only grow in Christ but also closer

together as a community of believers.

birthday queens

2008-10-28T13:46:00.003-05:00

happy belated birthday to heather & happy birthday to laura.

i love you both!

prayer

2008-10-27T08:56:00.001-05:00

pray.

seriously.

it feels like i have been sick for over a week and i am tired of it.

i need healing.

2008-10-24T14:36:00.003-05:00

i have got nothing new for you all, besides the fact that the Lord is incredible.

his faithfulness amazes me.

his grace saves me.

his forgiveness redeems me.

his love inspires me.

he is everything i need.

dancing at discos

2008-10-21T17:34:00.003-05:00

"dancing at discos,

eating cheese on toast,

yeah you make me merry,

you make me very very happy,

but you obviously didn't want to stick around.

i can be alone, i can watch the sunset on my own.

yeah, i can be alone."

city.

2008-10-21T12:49:00.002-05:00

"i like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque.

i like it in the city when two worlds collide.

you get the people and the government, everybody taking different sides."

missing you.

2008-10-19T15:57:00.001-05:00

i had missed you, and just because i came home doesn't mean it has gone away.

come to chicago.

i need you.

the cry of my heart...

2008-10-13T00:10:00.002-05:00

"i come into this place, burning to receive your peace. i come with my own chains, for wars i fought for my own selfish gain. You're my God and my Father, i've accepted your Son. but my soul feels so empty now, what have i become? Lord, come with your fire, burn my desires, refine me. Lord, my will has deceived me, please come and free me, refine me. my heart can't see when i only look at me. my soul can't hear, when i only think of my own fears. and they are gone in a moment, your forever the same. why did i look away from you, how can i speak your name? Lord, come with your fire, burn my desires, refine me. Lord my will has deceived me, come and free me, refine me. come rescue this child, for i long to be reconciled to You. it's all i can do, to give my heart and soul to you and pray. refine me. "

jennifer knapp/refine me

loved one.

2008-10-06T11:05:00.003-05:00

meet dusabemariya victoire.

my new adopted daughter.

dusabemariya is ten years old and lives in Rwanda, in the community of Gisanga. she is in first grade and her favorite subject is reading. dusambemariya lives with her parents, and five sisters. dusambemariya's chore is carrying water.

carrying water take hours each day. they are to retrieve the water in jerry cans from shallow wells, consequently because of that they suffer from worms, hygience problems, missing school and the time to pursue other business. malaria is an epidemic in this area not only because of the unclean water, but also because of rampant malnutrition. the health center in Gisanga lacks the facilities to treat the children who have malaria and or anemia. at school there are no sanitary facilities, school desks, drinking water or even enough classrooms to accommodate all the children.

isn't she lovely?

if you guys think of me, please pray for dusabemariya.

she means a lot to me, and really needs someone on her behalf.

there is nothing better than to know you are blessing someone.

especially someone so precious!

hanging on by a thread

2008-10-01T17:00:00.002-05:00

so often our heads and hearts don't agree.

we believe one thing in our heads, but our hearts are so far from that same conclusion.

as i was typing today on my computer, this song came on and for some reason it hit me.

and this is why...

i can tell you of all the promises of God and believe them in my heart,

until they apply directly to me.

it's time for a renewal of these ideas, truths and promises.

it's time for the Lord to renew my spirit and belief.

the following song is by jill phillips.

hanging on by a thread

i can't help but feel like there's something missing.

i hear the same old truth, this time its not convincing.

all the promises are hard to swallow when...

i'm hanging on by a thread,

i still believe every word you said.

but i can't get it down to my heart from my head.

i remember the story of someone who needed

help with his own belief even when he believed it.

but you didn't come to heal the ones who never feel.

we're hanging on by a thread,

we still believe every word you said.

but we can't get it down to our hearts from our heads.

i need you to make a connection, make a connection please.

it's foolishness to hide, because you must know...

i am hanging on by a thread.

i still believe every word you said.

but i can't get it down to my heart from my head.

i dare you to download her cd.

it is free on noisetrade.com.

it will convict you.

whoever said that was a bad thing....

don't let your love grow cold

2008-09-29T00:34:00.003-05:00

"take all your love with you in all the paths you walk in.

i can't say your life will always go the way it should,

but i can say that God is always good.

and when the cold wind blows, which i know it will.

and when you feel alone, which i know you will.

and when the cold wind blows like we know it will.

don't let your love grow cold.

don't let your love grow cold."

he is always good, always.

God is good all the time,

and all the time God is good!

decisons

2008-09-27T13:55:00.002-05:00

"hello Lord, it's me your child. i have a few things on my mind. right now i am faced with big decisions, and i am wondering if you have a minute. right now i don't hear so well and i was wondering if you could speak up. i know that you tore the veil so that i could sit with you in person and hear what you're saying - but right now, i just can't hear you. i don't doubt your sovereignty, i doubt my own ability to hear what you're saying and to do the right thing, and i desperately want to do the right thing. somewhere in the back of my mind, i think you are telling me to wait, and though patience has never been mine, Lord, i will wait to hear from you."

honesty

2008-09-26T23:54:00.003-05:00

"here in the stillness, where thoughts are born. here in our frailty we are tattered and torn.

here in confession, here in our mess, here in the place where we are mostly undressed - mostly.

oh honesty, oh honestly - the truth be told for the saving of our souls.

here in the corner, where we craft our pain. here in the open we are laying our blame.

oh honesty, oh honestly - the truth be told for the saving of our souls.

only the truth and truthfulness can save us now...."

this is so hard.

pray.

breakthrough

2008-09-25T18:59:00.003-05:00

"and they didn't love God because He hated their food, but WE love God."

chloe, 6

take note:

"God does not call the equipped, He equips the called."

dreams

2008-09-24T09:33:00.002-05:00

it is so wonderful to see the dreams he gave my sweet sisters.

i am so inspired and excited to get involved.

what a blessing they are.

my wheels are spinning, be afraid, be very very afraid...

love146

2008-09-22T11:29:00.002-05:00

www.love146.org

i am starting a chapter on campus.

i am getting fundraisers going.

i am going to hold an art night.

i am going to do my part.

stand up for those who are too weak.

speak up for those who don't have a voice.

something has got to change...

"i saw what i saw, and i can't forget it."

2008-09-20T15:35:00.009-05:00

"i saw what i saw, and i can't forget it.

i heard what i heard and i can't go back.

i know what i know and i can't deny it.

something on the road, cut me to the soul.

your pain has changed me,

your dream inspires,

your face a memory,

your hope a fire.

your courage asks me what i am afraid of

and what i know of love.

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it.

we are what we are and it's more than enough.

we have what we have, but it's no substitution.

something on the road touched my very soul.

i say what i say with no hesitation.

i have what i have and i am giving it up.

i do what i do with deep conviction.

something on the road, changed my world."

sara groves / "i saw what i saw" / tell me what you know

i have no words to describe last night.

it broke me to the core.

it was everything i have been speaking about.

how the Lord was preparing me for something.

how He is here and He is getting ready to move.

i went with selfish intentions of being blessed by sara,

but quickly found myself so overtaken.

the artists sang of hope. renewal. redemption. callings. brokenness. fear. newness.

and i could identify with every single one.

i wish that somehow i could go back, and relive that night because it

was such a healing process in which I saw my Father.

as i have grown in the Lord, my heart has become more tender,

as i was shown that last night. i can usually hold my own when

they talk about poverty and such. but the Lord has done a good

work in me. unexpectedly last night, i was full of sadness and tears.

i could not keep speak.

i could not breathe.

i was completely broken.

the stories from last night and everything that will be said concerning this concert

last night comes from the heart.

i saw what i saw, is the perfect song to describe how i am feeling.

i hope you can understand the deepness of this conviction.

it is real.

i want to tell a story, it is about a girl named Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is a fifteen year old girl originally from the Philippines.

She attended a local church with her family and felt as though

God was calling her into the ministry. After looking into education

options, Elizabeth discovered that in order to afford the necessary

schooling she would need to get a job. An older woman from Elizabeth's

church convinced Elizabeth and her family to allow the older woman to

take Elizabeth to one of the neighboring cities and help her find a job.

Out of her parent's safety, Elizabeth was taken to a foreign country,

with a different language and sold to a sex trafficker.

The sex trafficker took Elizabeth to a youth hostel and sold her for

a high price. Elizabeth found herself surrounded by other prostitutes

telling her of her God's inability to save such a dirty human.

As she prayed at night on her knees, they would call out to her

saying "Your God does not hear people like you."

"He is far from this place, very very far."

"Stop praying, it is not doing anything."

But Elizabeth would continue to pray, and cry out to her

Lord saying "All I ask is that you save me, Lord. Please, please save me!"

After months and months of receiving cruel treatment Elizabeth

was saved during a bust on the brothel house. As the leader of the

investigation, a man walked through the brothel looking for anything

he could find that would assist the prosecutors.

As he walked into the girls room, he found Elizabeth's mattress.

Above her mattress written in her own handwriting and own language was:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation -

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life -

of whom shall I be afraid?"

Psalm 27:1

If Elizabeth is not afraid, then why are we?

Thats only one of the very many stories that was shared last night, and here is the thing guys.

There are over 26 million slaves in this world. 26 million.

i just believe i am called to something more.

this is not right, not right at all.

we are called in Isaiah 1:17 to:

"seek justice, encourage the oppressed.

Defend the cause of the fatherless,

plead the case of the widow."

i have to go.

i have to set these people free.

they are in bondage to so many chains,

and hardly anyone is trying to break them free.

i really feel like this is it.

"sell everything you have and give to the poor,

and you will have treasure in heave.

then come, and follow me."

Luke 18:22

that is exactly what i intend on doing.

i said i wanted a ministry for girls.

i said i wanted to set captives free and break the bondage.

i said i wanted girls to feel their worth, and be renewed.

i said all these things with the intent of fixing the US' girls - but i had it all wrong.

orphan girls in the philippines, who were previously sex slaves

were asked what they were afraid of and they answered:

no one will want me.
i will appear as "damaged goods"
the dark
touch
people's eyes

those are the girls i need to be working for.

those are the girls who need to know of Jesus and the

way He loves them.

someone has to speak up. someone has to stand in the gap.

"If anyone would come after me,

he must deny himself and take up his cross

and follow me."

Matthew 16:24

i have never wanted to go.

i am convicted.

i truly believe this is it.

i am wasting money, time and words.

i can't live like this anymore.

i know to most of you this sounds absurd,

and like a foolish decision, but i have to go.

i can't waste my life, i have only got one

and i have got a story to tell.

"i want to add to the beauty. i want to tell a better story,

oh and shine with a light thats burning up inside.

and this is grace, an invitation to be beautiful."

sara groves / add to the beauty

i could not sleep last night.

i stayed up for sometime.

it haunts me, and i believe it will until

i start making an effort in trying to fix it.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is one me,

because the Lord has anointed to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness

for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow

on them a crown of glory

instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair!

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:1-3

consider getting down on your knees tonight before the Lord,

and pleading with Him on behalf of these

children for freedom to come their way.

help carry their burden, they can't do it on their own.

"Childhood runs across the meadow, taken in the night

and told that you'll be working in the city for awhile.

It's peering from the windows, its leaning in the doorway,

flickering like on a candle lying on the floor.

Say a prayer, say a prayer in the night.

Childhood working with your papa, chained to your mom.

This is all your live for, debts that linger on.

Bearing all the glory, bearing all the weight.

Knowledge of such hardship, at such a tender age.

Say a prayer, say a prayer in the night.

Say a prayer, say a prayer in the night."

sara groves / "say a prayer"

for now, that is all i can say.

i have so much more going on in my head and heart.

princess zulu

2008-09-17T13:11:00.007-05:00

below are the notes from chapel this morning.

we had an amazing woman of God come and speak.

her ministry is working on behalf of those with aids,

seeing as she, herself is an aids orphan.

i hope you can see the progression and

confirmation that the Lord showed me today.

He truly does speak.

Princess Zulu's words are in green.

My thoughts and prayers are in white.

Anderson Chapel/September 17, 2008

"What are we doing here?

Fill the streets out there.

Let us dance for you!

Let us dance for you!"

we so easily miss what is in the moment because

we are looking toward what is next!

What else is there for me?

"For such a time as this..."

Lord,

Distract me! I want my eyes to be focused on you.

Like Isaac said, "Distract me from myself!"

I need my needs and desires to come second.

I need my eyes to be focused.

What can we do?

Right now Lord - what do you want?

Show me - prepare me to go!

There are demonic forces that constantly ask

and beg us to bow down to them.

Esther 4:12

We are not in this place for no reason.

If we are going to be relevant, or make a difference

in this world - we have to be people of prayer.

If you begin with prayer, you will be sustained.

Lord, make this about you, not me.

Draw me into your presence. Let me hear this,

feel this - know you are here. I desire you.

I desire to live for you and you alone.

Prayer calls for a relationship, humbleness, a life sacrificed.

If we are going to be effective,

we need to feel other's pain.

We need to take on their burdens,

care for them. Help those who are

struggling. Look beyond our own needs.

Where is the church? Where are you?

We need to look beyond our own

situations and circumstances.

Are we broken by the injustices of this world?

Someone has to speak. The silence has to be broken.

Are you convinced you are the only one who can do it?

Are you the only one with those abilities?

Are you convinced this is your time?

Never underestimate what God has in store for you!

Pray without ceasing. Do things for your Father.

John 8:12

"I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never walk

in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Let your light shine, in hopes to bring the Lord glory.

Know that life is not measured by the years you live,

but by what you do, who you live for.

Jesus seeks the final satisfaction of justice.

Can't you hear the people crying:

"Who will come and set us free?"

Isaiah 6:8

"Here I am, send me!"

Let the things we do be for you.

Let us trust and not doubt.

Let us love with your love.

Let our dreams and visions live on.

Let us not be discouraged,

but rather be encouraged through our

trials because we know God is working!

Let us not stay silent.

Let justice come.

Lord, you are good!

Your love endures forever.

To you be the glory!

Please follow this link and watch this video.

It raises questions. It will move you.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVNOPTnro_0

The Lord is tugging at my heart.

I don't know what He is preparing me for,

or where He is going to send me - but I do

feel that the time is coming.

I trust Him, it is amazing the peace I have.

I can't explain it guys.

He is working.

He is moving in me, and on this campus.

I am so excited to see my Father work.

Things are about to change!

How awesome it is it that in the beginning

of chapel I prayed that the Lord would show me

and prepare me to go, and then later Princess Zulu

pulls out Isaiah 6:8. Things like this happen for a reason.

He is moving, He truly is!

Wow.

set the world on fire

2008-09-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

"i want to set the world on fire, until it is burning bright for you. i am small, but you are big enough. i am weak, but you are strong enough to: take my dreams, come and give them wings. Lord, with you there is nothing i cannot do. i want to feed the hungry children, and reach across the farthest land, and tell the broken there is healing and mercy in the Father's hand. i am small, but you are big enough. i am weak, but you are strong enough to: take my dreams, come and give them wings. Lord, with you there is nothing i cannot do. my hands, my feet, my everything. my life, my love. Lord, use me. i want to set the world on fire. take my dreams, come and give them wings. Lord, with you there's nothing i cannot do. take my dreams, come and give them wings..."

this is true,

deep,

and a desire.

i want to set the world on fire.

i want us to burn bright for Him.

can you imagine this generation on fire for the Lord?

i want it so badly, and struggle to explain to you the depths at which it falls.

but to see my peers living for the Lord, would astound me and bring me such joy!

young men as strong and fearless as David?

young women as confident as Esther?

both fully giving themselves as sacrifices to the King?

please pray for this.

pray for a revival in the hearts of God's children.

we desperately need it.

pray for me if you think of it.

i want to go to Virginia for a camp this summer

that is under Summit ministries.

everything that is said above Summit ministries

works on living out - what a perfect place for me to be!

the finances are not there for me at this point

but i do believe the Lord can and will provide

for me if this is His desire for me this summer.

i want to be in His will.

check out the website:

www.summit.org

laura,

thanks for the suggestion.

you were right.

it is my hope for this world.

you my dear,

have blessed me!

prayer

2008-09-15T22:51:00.002-05:00

this weekend has been absolutely crazy.

seriously? seriously.

all this to say that if you think about me, please pray.

don't pray about me, just talk to your father - he wants to hear from you.

just let it be reminder of someone loving you.

i am excited to go dig in.

"God is good all the time, and all the time God is good."

no school is cool

2008-09-14T22:13:00.005-05:00

the north end of the chicago river has flooded over,

meaning our dorms are flooded, and the generators are down.

all that to say no school tomorrow.

here are some photos for you all - compliments of my friends' facebook.

park community church

2008-09-14T11:57:00.003-05:00

i believe i have found my home.

today i walked for miles in the pouring down rain,

but it was so worth it.

the people there are loving, the music is touching, the preaching is truthful and my heart is overjoyed.

he spoke on everything i have been feeling.

my main struggle when it comes to christianity - is believing this:

"and grace my fears relieved,

how precious did that grace appear

the hour i first believed.

my chains are gone,

i've been set free

my God, my Savior has ransomed me.

and like a flood his mercy rains,

unending love, amazing grace.

the Lord has promised good to me,

His word, my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

as long as life endures."

i have to go back.

i can't explain what it felt like today.

i did not want to leave that place.

i wanted to work with those people, i wanted to spend the rest of my life

worshipping there with those people, listening to jackson talk about

issues of christianity and how this world has got it all wrong.

it is where i am happiest, in fellowship with believers.

i can now see why God has me going into ministry - because it is my passion.

i love you all.

start blogs kiddos, i want to hear from you.

its a great way to stay updated.

my hat is off to laura and heather - blog it out!

a couple things

2008-09-12T01:04:00.006-05:00

a couple things from today:

1. i am working with a ministry called breakthrough. one part of breakthrough's ministry is to work with children who attend a chicago public school that does not provide the necessary academic environment for that child's needs. we spend four and half hours playing,

tutoring and teaching these children what they are missing either from home or from their school. the average reading level is two and a half grade levels behind what grade they are in. amazing, huh? anyway my story concentrates on a kindergartner named Addy. Addy is the daughter of two of the employees of breakthrough. She is an adorable little girl. She has bright blue eyes and long curly blonde hair - but what caught me completely off guard and something

i cannot get off of my mind is her voice. imagine a sea of black children with a tiny little white girl stuck in the middle. Addy looks like she comes out of a gap catalog but when she speaks, all you hear is a deep, husky old black ladies voice. it is the

funniest thing you have ever heard. i feel like it is not real. she says things like:

" that's what i'm talking about!"

"i ain't done with that."

"come on jamel, give it back. it beese mine."

(side note: i know beese is not a word, but that is what she says.)

thought dad would enjoy that.

i will have to do a video recording of her and get it posted up here for you guys to see.

you would love it.

2. i cannot explain the feelings breakthrough give me,

besides the fact that i can see myself doing that for the rest of my

life. there is something about it that just clicks. something

that brings me a sense of completion. like i am right in my element,

exactly where i am supposed to be. those kids need so much attention.

there are so many areas where they are in desperate need of a watchful eye. if you think of it, please pray for both them and i as i continue to work there.

3. i am thinking of double majoring. i think i am adding psychology.

it interests me so much and i feel it would be of benefit. oh and i think i might take two languages, both greek and swedish. both sound incredible.

4. i found a sweet study abroad program.

i can go almost anywhere and it will cost me the

same exact it costs me to attend North Park.

not a bad deal, eh?

5. tomorrow i take my first test.

math.

pray i do well.

i am a little nervous.

i have set a goal and i must achieve it.

i have studied for what seems like forever.

hopefully that pays off.

6. i miss you guys.

not in a crying, weeping way.

just in a way that i could grab a dinner or cup of joe with you all, get a hug.

i love you all.

you have blessed me.

thank you.

goodnight.

the blame game

2008-09-08T10:55:00.003-05:00

i was not asking her to defend herself, i was asking her to say sorry for hurting me.

for speaking rudely.

for being inconsiderate.

i did not want to talk because i knew it was going to end up being a blame game,

and i was not up for the challenge. we have "the defender" in corner 1 and "the blamed one" in corner 2. it always ends the same, in every friendship of mine.

i always end up saying sorry and asking to be forgiven.

and here is the problem: we were all uncomfortable yesterday, but we tried to make the best of it. we tried to laugh it off, and speak nicely to one another - yet she was not too excited about that idea. so we were left with a debby downer and yet we are getting punished for not liking her acting like that.

i am so sick of apologizing for stupid stuff.

babylon

2008-09-05T08:28:00.002-05:00

today's story:

as i am sitting in introduction to bible today,

i look in front of me and i see a kid wearing quite an

intriguing jacket.

on the back of the jacket, is the name brand and a logo.

the logo reads: "internationally known."

if that is not buying into babylon, i don't know what is.

grace

2008-09-01T22:46:00.003-05:00

"daddy, daddy do you miss me?

the way i crawled upon your knee?

those childish games of hide and seek seem a million miles away.

am i lost in some illusion?

or am i what you thought i'd be?

now it seems, i've found myself in need to be forgiven.

is there still room upon that knee?

if i give my life, if i lay it down,

can you turn this life around, around?

can i be made clean by this offering or my soul?

can i be made whole again?

have i labored off of nothing?

trying to make it on my own.

fear to reach out to the hand who understands me?

say 'i'd rather be here all alone.'

it's all my fault, i sit and wallow in seclusion.

as if i had no hope at all, i guess truth becomes you.

i have seen it all motion, that pride becomes before a fall.

if i give my life, if i lay it down,

can you turn this life around around?

can i be made clean by this offering of my soul?

can i be made whole again?

can i offer up this simple prayer?

pray it finds a simple ear?

a scratch in your infinite time?

not withstanding my fallings not withstanding my crimes?

jennifer knapp/"whole again"/kansas

"if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive

us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I John 1:9

something about that song today hit me.

rest in His forgiveness.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

chicago.

2008-08-31T16:41:00.002-05:00

our downtown adventure.

so much fun!

2008-08-29T12:10:00.002-05:00

"The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."

Genesis 3:21

As I was reading Genesis 3 I came across this verse and

something about it caught my attention.

The verses prior to this one tell of Adam and Eve's sin and the fall of man.

It also talks about how ashamed they suddenly are of their nakedness and how

they frantically try to cover themselves in hopes to hide, and then leads us into verse 21.

What is so incredible about this verse is the fact that despite their blatant sin the Lord still is there helping them. If that does not show love, I don't know what does.

incredible, huh?

sometimes we miss these little signs of His care for us.

maybe we should start looking closer in hopes to have a deeper understanding of His love.

He has much to show us.

freed

2008-08-27T23:01:00.004-05:00

through you the blind will see.

through you the mute will sing.

through you the dead will rise.

through you all hearts will praise.

through you the darkness flees.

through you my heart screams:

i am free.

i am free to run.

i am free to dance.

i am free to live for you.

i am free.

through you the kingdoms comes.

through you the battle's won.

through you i am not afraid.

through you the price is paid.

through you there's victory,

because of you my heart sings.

i am free.

do i need to repeat that?

we are free.

free from addiction.

free from bondage.

free from captivity.

free from chains.

free from our past.

completely and utterly free.

"He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets prisoners free."

psalm 146:7

"you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

romans 6:18

we no longer need to be held in captivity.

i am in hopes that today you make a conscious

decision to break that wall down.

live a captive - free life.

start anew.

go child in the understanding of your freedom

provided by the Lord God Almighty,

for He is good.

Praise Him!

tuesday, august 26th

2008-08-26T17:16:00.003-05:00

last night i went to bed at 6 pm and did not wake up until 10 am.

i think i was just a little worn out. ;)

then today, i got so much done.

shower, check.

shaved legs, check.

washed laundry, check.

dried laundry, check.

cleaned room, check.

worked on homework, check.

had a blast while doing it, check.

i truly believe this is it.

i truly believe i am supposed to be here.

the Lord is good!

love to you all.

pray for tomorrow.

it is going to be a long day.

ps,

hannah my friend is in my math class with me and she lives 4 doors down.

could not get better.

i have a study buddy!

packed up.

2008-08-22T15:59:00.003-05:00

packed up.

moved in.

loving it!

phillipians 4:6-7

2008-08-15T20:35:00.006-05:00

"be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to the God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ."

i am so excited to see God's plan.

for i have been truly blessed with peace.

i am not fearful for i know this is the Lord's plan and that He is with me.

i cannot wait.

new beginnings

2008-08-11T12:21:00.002-05:00

" i used to carry the weight of the world, and now all i want to do is spread my wings and fly.

i don't know why i was so afraid all the time. never really seemed to bother me, my own life.

i used to carry the weight of the world, now all i want to do is spread my wings and fly.

i don't know why i was so ashamed, such a waste of time. always trying to be all those lies.

i used to carry the weight of the world, and now all i want to do is spread my wings and fly.

oh and there's always something, somebody right behind me but we are not meant to be everything, we are just a piece so spread your wings. i don't know why i was so afraid all the time. all i want to do is spread my wings and fly - high in the sky. used to carry the weight of the world."

chantal kreviazvk/"weight of the world"

2008-08-07T15:36:00.000-05:00

"when you thought you could rest, but you found out you were wrong.

and there's another need, another battle.

another one more thing that comes along.

hush little baby, don't say a word.

Daddy's gone and bought you a great big heaven to rest in.

He's bought it with blood, and put a seal in your heart.

it'll give you the hope that you need to get up and start.

when all the things you thought you had left behind are still hanging on

and everything you try to do right just ends up all wrong

and on the inside everyone else seems basically fine

but on the inside even they won't let go of the dead and cling to what's alive

well, I am."

2008-07-30T17:11:00.003-05:00

"it's time for healing, time to move on.

it's time to fix what's been broken too long, time to make right what has been wrong.

it's time to find my way to where i belong.

there's a wave that is crashing over me, and all i can do is surrender.

whatever your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.

it's hard to surrender to what i can't see, but i am giving into something heavenly.

time for a milestone, time to begin again.

reevaluate who i really am.

am i doing everything to follow your will?

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

so show me what you want from me, i give everything, i surrender.

to whatever your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.

it's hard to surrender to what i can't see, but i am giving into something heavenly.

time to face up, clean this old house.

time to breath in, and let everything out.

what i have wanted to say for so many years.

time to release all my held back tears.

you're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly."

sanctus real/"whatever you're doing"

it is going to feel uncomfortable,

but it is time.

seriously.

lets go.

oaks of righteouesness

2008-07-27T23:29:00.007-05:00

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me to preach

good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives and

release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and

the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn and provide for

those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown

of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

isaiah 61:1-3

the Lord's perspective

2008-07-26T16:52:00.011-05:00

as i was showering today i was listening to shawn mcdonald,

and a song played that is the epitome of how i have been feeling lately

concerning my generation and our relationship with Christ.

we grew up in christian homes.

we have heard the stories of old about noah, moses and david.

we have attended sunday school since the day our parents were

able to hand us over without crying.

we have answered every sunday school question with the same answer: Jesus.

and we have woken up every morning, living to please the people who we see not the one we don't.

and that in and of itself blows my mind.

we choose to please the ones who can't be pleased, the ones that won't ever accept us or love us unconditionally, the ones that can't offer us an eternity of freedom.

we choose to live not only in the world but of it.

we are called to be something different.

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.

As it is, you do not belong to the world ,

but I have chosen you out of the world.

That is why the world hates you."

john 15:19

and the truth is, as i look at the majority of people in my generation i see the world.

i see people choosing to live according to the flesh, not the word of God.

i think sometimes that we think just because we are so many years out of the bible, that the Lord's word no longer applies - but that is where we are wrong.

if at any time in this life the word has applied, it is now.

this is when the world is in most need of children of God to stand up and live for Him in accordance to His word.

by choosing to obey the word, we are choosing the Lord,

and by choosing to disobey the word, we are choosing the world.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man,

the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has

and does - comes not from the Father but from the world.

The world and its desires pass away, but the man

who does the will of God lives forever."

1 john 2:15 - 17

do you see that?

if we love anything in this world, the Father's love is not in us.

could anything you own be taken away and it not phase you?

we are called away from this world.

gossip/ 2 corinthians 12:20

lying/ proverbs 6:16-19

lusting/colossians 3:5

disobedience to man's law/romans 13

we are a representation of Christ, and we are so far from being a good one.

in order to truly be of glory to Christ we need to be a model of the below passage.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

colossians 3:1-17

please if you think of it, lift up this generation.

i truly, deeply believe that God can work in us and we could change this world.

pray hard.

"so hard to fathom the pain in Your eyes as You watch

Your children , doing what You despise.

in pursuit of our own, we just go round and round

another nail to our cause, we continue to pound.

what are you man, if you do not learn love?

so hard to fathom, oh, the feelings inside

as Your watching Your children choose to die,

You called out a warning, to all that would hear.

saying come to Me, come to Me.

and i will learn love.

i must learn love."

shawn mcdonald/"simply nothing"/simply nothing

burden down

2008-07-26T00:41:00.003-05:00

part 1:

put the burden down now.

it's time.

okay?

those were the words i needed to hear.

the words that are freeing me even at this moment.

the only thing i know to equate the relief to is when someone is passing away.

you know that fear and burden they are carrying around,

believing that they can't let go because if they do, they are disappointing you or making someone go through so much pain?

well that is the way i feel.

no, i don't believe that by putting the burden down i am causing that pain but i do believe that by hearing those words i am freed in a way.

oh, how free i feel.

part 2:

what a struggle it is to feel loved.

what a daily struggle.

it does not depend on the giver or the pretty box that it might come in.

it depends on my heart, mind and ability to accept the idea of the actual 'being' of it.

i know in my heart of hearts that i can, am and will be.

but somehow that cannot get through to the rest of me.

it is like i have taken on man's depravity as a personal depravity.

that i am worse than you, or anyone else that lives in this world.

i can look at others and see the greatness in them,

but within myself i can't see it.

i am blinded from it.

this is just one more burden i need to be freed from.